They say an idle mind is a devils workshop, i believe they are not wrong. I would rather say an ideal mind is a devils workshop. Why? well let us go back 1 year to support my claim,

2016, 3rd April, 

Everything was going on quite smoothly, i even get a call from my mother confirming that i will be there for her birthday. To which i nod my head as hard as i can and i make my way to to my boss Shipra, 

Me, 

“Shipra, we done for the day? right?”

Shipra,

“Apne woh mail bheja? Rohit ko? Quotation wala.” 

Me

“Shipra actulaly Janice ne ab tak woh agency quotation nahi bheja” 

Shipra

“What the hell yaa, ye accounts wale itine slow kyun hain?”, Apne phi follow up nahi kiya na?”

Me

“Shipra, Janice actually kal chutti pe thi, so she just came in today and was sorting out our remaining estimates, she will get this done tomorrow pakka ”

Shipra

“Pakka na, main aapka gala pakdungi nahi toh”

Me

“Shipra, please aisa may karo, main apne Maa Baap ka ek lota varis hun”

Vishal, from nowhere 

“Hello! Sirji good thing your the only child, if more than one, they would be dead by now!”

Me, (in my head)

'Abey gende saley, at least my parents would have died of trauma, You must have probably eaten up your Mom-Dad.' 

Me (out loud)

“So okay then, am pushing off for the day, call me if anything, i have told Kittu, Rakesh and Eram to handle things, in case something urgent comes up”

Shipra

“Arey haan, its your Mom’s birthday na, go go, why you still here? I thought you must have left in the afternoon!” 

Me

“Naah its okay, we have dinner plans, no-one is actually coming home anytime soon. So ya, buh bye! “ 

Leaving from work that day felt so satisfying, considering last year i was actually still in office trying to get my work done, while my boss, comes in at the last moment and just slaps a ton of work on me and leaves for the day. I somehow get done with it and reach home, to find my entire family leaving in their respective cars, while my Mother all disappointed standing under the building seeing everyone off. After looking at me she was so happy, its like nothing else mattered to her. it was as if whatever i just did was not at all worth it, in any possible way. I should have simply left my work and come for her. They say, sometimes you should just say, “Fuck it!”. That was the defining moment of my life. I figured i wont really have too many birthdays and anniversaries lined up anyways, lets make the most of what’s left. So in my next job i made sure, these things mattered. 

It wasn’t for long though. I had a fallout at work with my boss as well. Vishal had an issue with my hair and i had an issue with him. I would have chopped of my hair, but would that change my boss. Hell no! so well i said something that i should have said long ago. Fuck it! and i moved on after taking shit for more than 2 years. It felt scary and yet somewhere deep inside i felt satisfied. 

here are some of the reasons why i took a break,

1. The inner voice in me was dying a slow and painful death, i was killing it with every passing day. 
2. I had too many dreams on the line to make any sense of where my life was heading, its like reality and ambitions had chosen to parallel routes, the routes were growing further apart, with no apparent or foreseeable conjuncture in the near future. 
3. My life sucked.

So there it is, i told myself, 

“So you wont have any money, your self respect will have goen for a toss but you will have the wisdom of a 60 year old and the enthusiasm of a 12 year old, the kind of life that wont involve anyone asking you to do something ‘proactive’ every single day, how’s that for a start?”

Fast forward a year later. Today.

Am fitter than what i was 5 years back. i have started to complete my sentences, (it sounds weird but when you are conditioned to write formal mails day in, day out, its a bit difficult to switch to writing anything else) and am at peace with myself. Now there lies the problem, doing nothing you receive unnecessary information that makes no sense. You start overthinking, over analysing and making deductions based on well, heresay. This means life suddenly becomes a strange and endless soap opera with no change in sets or actors, even the storyline remains more or less the same. A few twists and turns from time to time are quessential to keep you happy. So even though i now have the ideal mind, its slowly starting to turn into the Devils workshop.